


The Party

by Humphrey



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-26 00:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/959196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humphrey/pseuds/Humphrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John finds out Sherlock has an ex-fiancée. And that’s only the beginning of his discoveries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Party

“Of course my ex-fiancée is here, this officially makes this the worst night of my life. I could have finished my experiment on caterpillars. Seriously, John, I need a cigarette.”

“You’ve stopped smoking,” John reminded Sherlock helpfully. “By the way, are you drunk or something? You’ve never been engaged.”

“I think I’d know if I hadn’t been engaged,” Sherlock sneered. “And stop looking so confused, it’s messing with my concentration if I’m too busy wondering how many odd faces you can pull in one night.”

“Right, I’ll just ignore the comments about my face and once again ask you about your engagement. When were you ever engaged and more importantly who was the victim?”

Sherlock looked bored, although John knew he was busy scanning the room for smokers, it wouldn’t take him long to find a target so John had to strike fast.

“Who is it, Sherlock?”

Sherlock still wasn’t paying him much attention, but pointed out a woman who was talking to a man with an impressive moustache. Sometimes John still regretted he had shaved off his own moustache. Unfortunately, Sherlock had insisted it made him look a criminal so he wasn’t allowed to do detective work until he got rid of it.

“Her name is Cecile or something, I can’t remember, you know I don’t like to remember useless facts.”

“You consider the name of the woman you were going to marry, something not worth remembering. Aren’t you quite the gentleman.”

“I only asked her to marry for a case, it’s not like I actually cared about her. Ah, but that was an excellent case,” Sherlock said, he had a triumphant grin on his face. “You know I consider humans to be dull creatures, but even I have to admire a family where at least three members tried to kill each other.”

“Was she one of the victims?” John asked, he knew how much Sherlock liked to talk about his own brilliance.

“No, she had nothing to do with the murders, she was in fact the least interesting person in that family which made her perfect for my plan.”

“She hired you to be her fiancé?”

“No, I read about the murders in the papers,” Sherlock said, he was growing impatient and was starting to scan the room again for cigarettes. “She was just an easy target, I conveniently bumped into her in a coffee shop. Dreadfully boring woman, fortunately for me the rest of the world seemed to agree so she was very eager to marry me.”

Now John was genuinely curious. “How quickly did you propose?”

“I waited two weeks, that was about all I could muster. If you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to the man with the purple hat.”

“You won’t get a cigarette from him,” John warned him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sherlock replied, irritated.

“What I mean is that I made sure that no one in here is carrying a cigarette or a lighter. No one.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Of course I would, I’m a doctor, I’m supposed to look out for people’s health.”

Sherlock was not amused. “You idiot, all this so you can have clean curtains. And might I add that they are the ugliest curtains I have ever seen in my life.”

“No, they’re not and try not to be a bastard in the next two minutes. I’ll make it a challenge.”

“What do I get if I win?”

“Me,” John answered cheekily.

He knew Sherlock definitely had a reply in mind but their host had come up to greet them.

“Sherlock, John, glad to see you’ve made it,” Lestrade said cheerfully.

“We wouldn’t miss this for the world,” John said, he obviously didn’t mention the blackmail material he used to get Sherlock here and the blow job. “And where is the future Mrs. Lestrade? We can’t wait to finally meet her.”

Sherlock kept quiet for now, which meant that the lack of cigarettes made him horny enough to keep his mouth shut for now.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Lestrade said.

John turned to Sherlock and whispered in his ear, “You can’t just replace one addiction with another one.”

“At least you never complain about that one,” Sherlock said back, obviously not whispering since he couldn’t give a toss about what the other guests thought about him.

John would have had a nice comeback, but he was a bit too distracted by the fact that the woman Lestrade was introducing him to was the same woman Sherlock pointed out earlier.

Completely unaware of this, Lestrade said joyfully, “Celine, this is Sherlock Holmes, someone I work with, and his boyfriend, John Watson.”

The woman who was not called Cecile looked like a deer caught in headlights. She stammered, “It’s nice to see you again, Sherlock.”

“Whatever you say, Celine,” Sherlock replied, completely unimpressed by the fact that Lestrade was engaged to the same woman he had once been engaged too.

John was starting to get a headache and he hadn’t even drunk anything. Since it was his duty to be the polite one in this relationship, he said, “It’s nice to meet you, Celine. Greg has said so many lovely things about you.”

“I bet Sherlock hasn’t,” she said, she kept staring at Sherlock as if he was going to attack at any moment. She seemed to know him pretty well.

“Have I missed something here,” Lestrade interjected.

“Obviously,” Sherlock said, rolling his eyes. “Five years ago, I asked your fiancée to marry me to solve a rather interesting murder case in her family. How is your family doing?” Sherlock asked Celine, it sounded like he was genuinely interested in her answer.

“There haven’t been any murders lately which makes the Christmas parties rather boring.”

John chuckled, he didn’t think Celine was as boring as Sherlock had judged her to be. But Sherlock’s judgement often came too quickly since he wasn’t interested in actually talking to people.

“Understandable,” Sherlock acknowledged.

“I really don’t understand what’s going on here,” Lestrade said. “You don’t get engaged!” He pointed an accusing finger at Sherlock.

“The things I do for a case,” Sherlock mused.

“The things a woman does after she hasn’t had sex for two years,” Celine mused.

John couldn’t help it, he started laughing again.

“Will someone please explain to me what’s going on here,” Lestrade nearly begged.

“Sorry, we’re a bit busy,” Sherlock grinned. “The man with the purple hat just dropped dead. Ah, finally some entertainment.”

“We have a band,” Lestrade said affronted. “And great, now I have to work at my own engagement party.”

John didn’t hear that last remark since he was already walking towards the man who seemingly had just dropped dead. He quickly found out that not only had he been stabbed in the middle of a party, he also had a lighter with him. John quickly grabbed it, before Sherlock could.

“You were right John, it was a good idea to come to Lestrade’s engagement party. This is the best party I’ve ever been too.”

“It’s not exactly what I had in mind,” John muttered.

“If I solve this case in two hours, can I still fuck you on top of the curtains?”

John rolled his eyes, but secretly hoped this would be a quick case since Sherlock was always a lot more aggressive when he was annoyed by John’s decorating choices.

That was the reason why he bought those ugly curtains in the first place.


End file.
